After scouring many dating apps, we still have not met great love. But why ? Maybe because it’s time to move away from the virtual flirt for drag in real life. Here are some tips to build confidence and cope with shyness. Love is not necessarily on apps and dating sites!
No more stupid than another, and rather comfortable on the networks, we were lulled by the ambient message: to find love, just create a profile.
All these stories of “From the first message, I knew it was him” and others “Today they have two children” encouraged us. Simple. So, we signed up. And we had to face the facts: it was not so simple.
We, from the first message (“A drink tonight, tell you?”) We knew it would NOT be him. However, we applied, we hung on, we fought sometimes.
Even when this guy we liked totally, but then totally, disappeared from the site after a first drink.
Or when the other let us understand that his wife was going back in a week: ready for love to three in a king size? To confuse quantity and quality, in fact love at first sight, we took a lot of slack.
Do you recognize yourself in this portrait? It’s time to move on to the next step: unsubscription. Because there are lots of good reasons to come back to real life.
Take your time before going on a date:
Florence, 33, remembers exactly that night feeling fed up: “I was hesitant to accept a date with a guy who looked pretty good, but who confessed during our online conversation that he was watching the films in VF.
I asked a friend for advice: prefer dubbing is hot, right? She answered me in a pithy phrase: “Next.”
I realized that my life had turned into a farandole of “next”, guys eliminated for a past participle badly tuned or a taste too pronounced for Michel Sardou …
It made me dizzy, this waltz of virtual boys! Life is a box of chocolates, alright, but I was chewing on everyone by putting them back in the box. ”
Back to real life: “We take one chocolate at a time, and we finish it. ”
Concretely: this friend of friend, there you started to attend? If, yes, do not deny: there was more than one appointment, so you wanted to see him again?
That there is a very small beginning of something? In this case, formal prohibition to accept a date with someone else “to see” – the compa-reason would harm both.
Instead, you take the time to get to know this man who, of course, loves Sardou, good.
But when you think back to him by trying to convince yourself, with strength, passion and false arguments, it makes you smile. He’s pretty cute, though.
Agree to take risks in your love life
Lucile describes the absurd situation she faced: “Rather than dare to approach this cute Englishman of my writing class, because of my sickly shyness, I preferred to talk to strangers on sites …
Which only exhausted part of the problem, since they did not meet the girl at ease, funny, spiritual that I project in writing, but its timid and stammering version.
In fact, I used the apps a bit like an illusory airlock that saved me – a time – from confronting real people, and my own fears. Until I realized that I was “selling” on Tinder a false image of me. ”
Back to real life: “We stop to lie to each other … and above all, we start. Concretely: if you are shy, ask a friend to be your drag partner, to take small challenges to push you to overtake you.
Do not worry: we do not ask you to approach the boy who likes you like that, from goal to white. You can start with simple goals, such as looking at the next yoga class where you both go.
And the next time he looks up, you smile at him. It may be difficult, you will surely feel silly. But it is also a thousand times more rewarding than a “like” or a “charm”, and in addition you will progress on yourself.
Take Control of your love life
Mia, 27, admits she has lived, because of Tinder, “very sad mornings in the arms of a stranger. When I separated from my ex-understand: when he left me for the third time – I wanted to quickly move into the arms of another. To forget, to avenge myself, to reassure me.
I met many men, never attaching myself. Until the day I realized – thanks to my shrink, that I thank – that in fact I was not looking for someone to love but rather people who would love me. I needed to flatter my ego but I was not at all ready to give. ”
Back to true life: “After a break, there is the incompressible time of mourning. ”
Concretely: it’s an opportunity to enjoy the simple things in life. Hang out in pajamas until noon without anyone who judges you, recontact your friends that you no longer see, eat chocolate with an ice ball in front of a movie (crying), open WhatsApp fifteen times to see if your ex was logged.
And then, little by little, you will find yourself, start listening to your deep desires. And there you can meet new people. If, yes, you will see.
Give a chance to people we know
Lila, 29, says, “I kept dating dating sites just because I was disappointed. I had met François on the birthday of a mutual friend. We had very well, I expected him to recontact me, but nothing came.
So instead of thinking about a strategy of attack, to try to see him again, to understand his silence, I quickly moved on to something else. Let Tinder loop. History to know the same heart stroke, which never came. I went from disappointment to disappointment. ”
Back to real life: “We follow up the meeting. ”
In concrete terms, the man in your life is in your phone directory, in your Facebook contacts or in the canteen of your company.
Warning: we are not saying that we must accept the (third) proposal of glass Gege, your neighbor ultra sticky, it is necessary in one way or another to resign.
What they say is that of all the men we met in the evening, at work or on vacation, the one with whom there was a spark of five seconds or one night, the one that your friend Anne passed to you the number because he had to get a table at home (five years ago), there is necessarily a pearl.
So, we make the tour of his contacts, ideally with a friend who prevents you from eliminating too quickly, and we harvest three or four dates without effort.
Listen to your intuition
When Louise, 28, found herself making comparative charts, in Excel format, of the profiles she kept, she thought it was serious:
“With the sites and the apps, one has the impression that even the dating can be rationalized: it is unstoppable, there are algorithms!
In fact, for someone like me who makes time to make decisions, it quickly turns into a disaster: we spend hours comparing profiles without being able to decide – we continue to talk to boys who do not do not really convince – and when you end up eliminating one, you feel guilty. ”
Back to real life: “The chosen is not unique, he is everywhere. Trust your intuition and see where it leads you.
Specifically: there is your colleague, the one that makes you lose all your resources when he asks you how your weekend has happened.
So it is true that it is always easier to find a perfect man than to try something with this colleague who is five years younger than you and who just left a relationship.
But OK. Once you’ve said that … once you’ve rationalized everything … it’s still your colleague who makes you lose money. So after all, since you can not fight, let yourself be carried away!
Do not hesitate to leave home
Marie, 23, after the office, landed in a co-working space to review the guys in the corner:
“I thought I would meet a lot of people, widen my circle of friends … I was not coming out of a screen. A year to scroll through a turnstile of guys, for four meetings, and not even nice.
These guys would not even have been good friends. They offered me nothing, not an exhibition, not an activity, not even to introduce myself to their gang of friends.
It’s as if there was Tinder, and there was their life. But from my side, I realized very quickly that it was the same: I would never have them in my close circle. ”
Back to real life: “Love needs shared experience and time – two ingredients that dating sites can not provide. ”
Concretely: we create it, this common experience! Evenings with friends are excellent incubators; they remain privileged places for dating.
Do you also know Meetups, communities that come together around common interests and goals (practicing a language, hiking, learning to code …)?